Question by Shoshin: Dear Sensei,
why is it that despite my having entrusted myself to Amida
(formally in Amidaji to signify my sincerity), recited his name,
and wished to be born in his Pure Land, why is it that I have not
felt any assurance of any kind at all up to this time.
I have listened to all your books, which I converted to audio
your videos, every day and night, over and over, and they are so
wonderfully written, but all I get is Amida is so silent, so
distant, as if he did not exist.
I need an experiential concrete assurance of rebirth in his
Pure Land. Amida seems so distant, so far away. If his light is
that powerful why can it not penetrate my thick obscurations no
matter how encrusted they are of blind passions?
Time for me is running out because of my age and health
issues, and I really need assurance urgently that I shall be reborn
in the Pure Land, but it all seems now like blind faith. Why? I
really want to go to the Pure Land. This sense of urgency has never
been so urgent for death could come anytime. Can you please help
me?
Namo Amida Bu
My answer: Dear Shoshin,
You complain that you did not feel any experiential
assurance. I have repeatedly said in my books, articles, video
teachings or direct instructions that faith is NOT a feeling. If
you have faith in Amida Buddha then you simply know that you’ve
entrusted to Him and you trust that He will take you to His Pure
Land when you leave your physical body.
What is there that you suppose to feel or need to feel? What
can an unenlightened, limited mind like yours or mine can actually
supposed to feel? I am tired of so many people wanting to feel
something in relation with Amida and forget that their mind is
unenlightened, always prone to delusion and that many things they
feel or experience are actually illusions. This is why many
nowadays people are fooled by various spiritual charlatans or take
drugs to enter into some kind of altered state of mind.
I am afraid that this hungry mind of yours will not take you
anywhere because it will never be satisfied no matter what it gets.
This is the mindset of a hungry ghost – not being satisfied with
what he has – in your case, not satisfied with the fact that Amida
made His Primal Vow and manifested a Pure Land so easy to access,
and especially not satisfied that Shakyamuni Buddha taught about
Amida and testified to His existence. For your mind the words and
testimony of Shakyamuni Buddha, Nagarjuna Vasubandhu, Shantao,
Honen, Shinran are not enough because you do not have a feeling!
What you are actually doing is accusing Shakyamuni Buddha and all
the Masters of lying, because your hungry, unstable, unenlightened
mind does not get its feelings and special experiences!
If you were a highly advanced Bodhisattva on one of the ten
bhumis (stages), very close to Enlightenment, you would feel many
wonderful things, but you have always been (in many lifetimes) a
lazy spiritual person with no capacity for constant effort and you
still pretend Amida to make you feel things. The fact that
Shakyamuni Buddha and the Masters of the past testified about Him
and His salvation does not satisfy you, because you do not have
special feelings! Then go and practice ascetism, attain Samadhi and
you will get your feelings and your special experiences, but be
careful that many Masters warned those who do self-power practices
that if they get attached to their feelings and special experiences
then they can be easily mislead by Maras. Anybody who is not
entrusting oneself to Amida Buddha will be easily fooled by Maras
or evil spirits who can give him false samadhis and false spiritual
experiences which will surely be more pleasant than the everyday
life one is supposed to have due to his karma.
Be careful that this hunger for feelings and experiences will
lead you astray and make you an easy prey for various false
teachers and spirits who are experts in making you feel something
nice but that comes in the same package with subtle wrong views
that will make you miss the chance to be born in the Pure Land. You
surely can’t afford this at your age when you are close to leaving
your human body which is so hard to get in many kalpas!
So, come to your senses and realize that you have what you
deserve. You made yourself whatever you are and now you blame Amida
or consider Him not worthy of trust because He does not give you a
feeling or experience? Why haven’t you worked hard in your
spiritual life or be virtuous enough so that you have better karmic
conditions and better spiritual experiences in your old age?
Your assurance is the testimony of Shakyamuni Buddha and
the many great Masters who taught that Amida is a real living
Buddha, His Pure Land a real enlightened place and that His
salvation is true and real. That is all you get at your low
spiritual level and you should say THANK YOU for this, instead of
moaning and complaining. It is time you make a choice, put your
hunger for special feelings aside and entrust to Amida because
Shakyamuni Buddha and many Masters of the past assured you that His
salvation is true and real, or continue to moan and complain that
you do not get your feelings and special experiences. You
decide!
Amida’s Light is all powerful in the sense that it can
penetrate everywhere and sterilize the seeds of your karma which,
without His help, would make you be reborn again in samsara. But
this Light is not all powerful in the sense that it cannot enter
close minds or minds that instead of being open to it, are hungry
for feelings and special experiences. No light can enter through
closed windows or through the windows of a hungry ghost spiritual
mentality which is never satisfied with what Amida offers to him,
nor satisfied with the words of Shakyamuni Buddha about Amida. Such
a hungry ghost attitude will never be satisfied no matter what it
gets.
Women who are too arrogant or greedy cannot
be satisfied no matter how many jewelries you give to them, so
although generosity is always manifested in front of their eyes,
they cannot appreciate it and their hunger is not satisfied. Even
if Amida is a living, active Buddha, who extends His hand to you,
still you refuse it because you don’t get your special
experiences.
Remember that your unenlightened eyes
and unenlightened mind can’t see what is above their level. As
Shinran said:
“Although I, too, am in Amida’s embracing
Light,
My evil passions hinder me from
perceiving it,
But His Light of great
compassion never ceases to shine on
me
untiringly."
Although we cannot perceive it with our
unenlightened eyes, Amida’s Light that we accept in our minds and
hearts through faith (shinjin) always shines upon us, keeping us in
its safe embrace (safe from wrong views, safe from falling again in
samsara, etc ):
“My eyes being hindered by blind
passions,
I cannot perceive the
Light that grasps me;
Yet the great
compassion, without tiring,
Illumines me
always.”
So, we cannot perceive various things nor feel special
feelings because our mind is still an ordinary mind until we are
born in the Pure Land. Faith is NOT satori, but it coexists with
our unenlighted mind and its delusions and blind
passions.
The work of Amida’s Light is to sterilize
our karmic seeds and make us being born in His Pure Land, but this
seems not enough for you because your hungry mind wants to get its
special feelings. Again, abandon and let go to this hungry ghost
attitude because there is no solution to it and it will always make
you feel that whatever Amida does for you is not
enough.
Accept yourself for what you are – an ordinary person who,
due to his karmic limitations, cannot see more than what his flesh
eyes are able to see. Then, base your faith in Amida on the
testimony of Shakyamuni Buddha and the Masters.
To spend eons of time in spiritual laziness without
practicing seriously so as to develop special spiritual capacities
to help you see far, then blaming Amida for not doing more than His
Primal Vow for you, that is, not doing more than practicing many
kalpas to create a special Pure Land for you, is the attitude of an
ungrateful hungry ghost who can miss the chance to be born in the
Pure Land. Amida is not far from you and is a living Buddha but you
can easily come to deny His existence and the testimony of
Shayamuni due to your hungry ghost mentality. Please come to your
senses!
No matter how many books I write or what
our members say, unless you let go to that hungry ghost spiritual
mentality, nobody can help you. Being member in a good sangha like
Amidaji is not enough, too. One can stay hungry even in the middle
of a feast for his eyes are not able to appreciate the food.
Namo Amida Bu,
Shoshin: Dear Sensei, this is the
most convincing, most penetrating reply in my life. It's as if
Amida himself is talking to me, I just know it. I'm so overwhelmed
with gratitude right now this is all I can say. If all the Buddhas
of the ten directions validate the words of Shakyamuni about Amida,
how stupid of me not to see what's so obviously
convincing.
Thank you Amida, thank you Amida, thank you
Amida!
Namo Amida Bu
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