| [art by Marta Milczarek] |
Lately I've been reading a lot. With the lockdown going on and
staying a lot at home, I've had a lot of time that I had to fill up
somehow. So what better way to do that than reading? My preferred
genres right now are LGBTQ+ (Romance), Mystery and Crime. I squeeze
in other genres here and there (right now I'm reading a
Slice-of-Life Fiction book), but those usually take more time to
complete. I am, after all, taking a break from reading right now to
write this while I'm only 23 pages in.
A while ago I started thinking about the books I used to read
when I was little and then later in high school. I think those
books helped shape my preferences for now. But let's go even
further back.
I think I always liked reading. When I was little my mum used
to tell me stories at night and I still cherish those moments. If I
think about it, I can feel the curiosity, the interest, and the
warm comfort enveloping me in those moments. From then on, I don't
remember ever not liking reading or wanting to lose myself in a
made up story, being it by reading or imagining all kind of
scenarios myself.
When I finally learned how to read, I took advantage of our
small library at home, and that's when I read books like
Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoevsky, The
Phantom of the Opera by Gaston Leroux, and A Time to
Kill by John Grisham. Out of these three books, the first
and last were for a very long time some of my favourites, and even
now I like them a lot, the bits that I can still remember. I don't
want to read them again because I'm afraid I won't be as awed as
the first time, so instead I continue liking them the same way I
did then. When it comes to The Phantom of the Opera, I can't
remember much. I wanted to re-read it at some point, but I couldn't
find the book anymore. I think someone borrowed it and didn't
return it. Either way, that one didn't leave a lasting impression
on me.
The only books I didn't particularly like reading where the
mandatory school ones. I'm not even sure how I got away with
skipping most of them.
Later, during high school, about the time I really got into
anime and manga, I started becoming more interested in Japanese
literature. My favourite from that time is The Silent
Cry by Kenzaburō Ōe. I got the book as a gift and devoured it,
mostly reading it during classes at school. If I were to read it
now, I'm not sure I would like it as much. I might not even read it
at all. Apart from that one, I also want to mention Snow
Country by Yasunari Kawabata, and Kitchen by
Banana Yoshimoto. I can't remember the circumstances surrounding
the first, what I do remember is that I enjoyed it a lot and I went
as far as declaring Kawabata as one of my favourite authors. Now I
don't like Kawabata anymore. When it comes to the second, I
remember finding the book at the school library and feeling
intrigued. I borrowed it and I loved it. (Fun fact: right now I'm
reading Moshi-Moshi by Banana Yoshimoto*). Since I read
Kitchen I kept wanting to read more from the author, but I
couldn't find any of her other books.
I would say peak reading for me was during high school when I
raided the local library, much bigger than the one back home. I
read a bunch of Paulo Coelho's books then (they read so easily and
knowing a lot of people disliking his books only made me want to
read them more), The Portrait of Dorian Grey by Oscar
Wilde, and a bunch of others I don't remember without going through
my Goodreads account. I'm not even sure I did remember all of them
when I made the account and logged them in.
Since I made an account on Goodreads in 2016 and following to
2020, my stats look like this:
I am not happy when I look at my earlier stats. Why did I not
push myself just a little bit harder when it comes to something I
genuinely like doing? What was I doing instead? Well, working,
that's what I was doing. Around that time I had a pretty soliciting
job that I shouldn't have stayed in for as long as I did. It really
wasn't worth it for more reasons than just not reading. But then
again, here I am now. It might seem a bit silly writing about this,
but I am pretty darn proud of myself. This is a journey in more
ways than one and I used to beat myself up when coming across a
good book, thinking I was such a fool that I didn't read more and
getting to that good book earlier, but I slowly started giving up
on that way of thinking, because—ironically—that way of thinking
made me not read. Sometimes things come to us when they are needed,
not when we want them to. And looking at my progress, at how the
numbers got higher and higher, well, I am happy about that.
__________
* I actually dropped Moshi-Moshi. I loved
Kitchen when I read it, and no doubt I would have loved
Moshi-Moshi too, but I just can't read books where nothing
happens anymore. They are good books, I like the vibe, but I was
struggling to stay awake, let alone pay attention, so I am not
going to torture myself. I need exciting and angsty books, not
chill, barely anything happens books, regardless of how good they
are. Just not my genre right now.
Extra fun fact: I wrote this post at the end of January
and I forgot it in my drafts. Oopsie!
Extra extra fun fact: It took me so long to edit this
because blogger decided to be a lil shit and not save my edits.
This platform can be such a prick sometimes.
