Diana

Articole postate de Diana

  • Letter to you... 171

    "I write this letter to you, but my purpose is selfish, because while writing  this letter maybe I can receive an answer from inside me.I followed almost everything you asked me , with or without my will, somehow blindly, because I don't which is the final destination.For some years, you guide me to go back to my childhood. I try almost every night before sleep, to remember or to receive a sign. Why you send me back there? I don't remember much and I don't know how will change me what I will find out.I discovered lately music and I would like to discover my voice. I know once I had a voice and I lost it somehow. Where? I don't know."When I wrote this letter, I must have been drunk, because I don't remember to whom I addressed it. To God? He is the only one who could guide me. To my mentor? Unlikely, because does not know about my childhood. And the others, do not talk too much with me.Instead, I remember I try to find every night an answer from my childhood. Wha

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  • Work eat sleep and repeat... 163

    Some people find themselves in my mind, and I feel like I have to write about them. I write and everything gets more clear  in my mind.I've met a guy who looked like me. I was thrilled by his appearance, by his way of speaking, his attitude, his presence, because he was so similar. Like we were twins.In him I saw myself. And I became very attracted in just some seconds. I would say it is now usual for me, but in this case it was very easy.I felt like I known him for a long time and I was so comfortable with him. We got deeper in discussions and I liked him more and more. I felt butterflies in my stomach like a high school girl. He told me nice words and was captured by me too.But this story ended so much fast without words. I felt he is a lost case, when I observed his lack of enthusiasm, his constant preoccupation for work and he was always at watch. He was always in hurry and did not live in the present. In that moment I realized how bad can a person feel when stands

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  • Amintiri... 198

    A fost o perioada in care imi nu imi permiteam sa imi cumpar o sticla de Coca-Cola, o ciocolata sau o prajitura. Era mai bine, pentru silueta. Era mai bine pentru sanatate, dar tanjeam sa mananc si eu putin ceea ce altii serveau cu atata usurinta.In mintea mea acele lucruri banale le obtineai cu un efort mare si de cele mai multe ori ajungeam sa renunt sa mai visez la ele, sau poate doar sa sper ca voi primi cadou o cutie de ciocolata.Cand primeam un cadou, ma bucuram imens si ramaneam datoare persoanei care imi oferea. Primeam atat de rar si era pentru mine o sarbatoare.Acum orice fel de gustare nu ma mai incanta, pot sa obtin destul de usor. Ceea ce imi lipseste este hrana pentru suflet.Frustari, compromisuri, incorectitudini, ma incarca zilnic. Superficialitatea relatiilor te face sa te simti din ce in ce mai strain de restul.Ma simt mai saraca ca oricand. Am incetat sa mai scriu, pentru ca desi simteam ca mai am multe de oferit lumii, nu ma mai regaseam in n

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  • Hurts... 229

    "Never give up, it's such a wonderful life."If I turn back in my past and remember things that happened and affected me , maybe I would start to cry  or maybe I feel nothing.For my past love stories, when I remember I feel nothing. It's like I see a movie in which I  was not the main character. But for the memories I had with somebody who is still in my life, for example my parents, I will remember and maybe cry for hours, or for days.When somebody tells you, that you have a problem, maybe you would reflect for a moment and forget about this chapter quickly. If more close persons would tell you that you have a problem, then maybe your heart will broke in pieces and maybe you will forget to breath or to live for a moment.Bad words could be like swords and wounds will always leave behind signs.Or maybe you will start to convince yourself that you really have a problem, and behave like this.People are always comparing yourself with others, you are never good en

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  • next week... 235

    When I were in your arms and you promised me we will see again and when you told me nice things I believed you. We were in the most uncommon situation. Our love was prohibited. Nothing in this world would allow us to be together.I would rather say we were not made for each other. Now you left and let me alone without a word. And now I know you will come back , but not for me, but for work. You will see me at my desk, and you will avoid to look at me. Why? Because you feel ashamed and because you see me as an obstacle . You can't live without me, but also you can't live with me.When you will pass this room, your heart will beat faster, and you will feel like you would prefer to run, but you have to face your fear and enter in this room. You will pray to not see me, you will look straight but to other colleagues, not to me. But still , the destiny will force you to look in my eyes. And then, you will not know what to say, and you will invent something, but something related with

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  • If one day... 166

    "If one day I would sit at the sea relaxed and calm, I could say I am happy. I still don't know if I would prefer to be alone with my thoughts or to be in a good company.Love, passion are old words for me. I am an old man, with old feelings, I could say I barely remember all my experiences.Still, I wish to start dreaming one day. I work hardly, every day and night, and I know it's in vain. My happiness doesn't rely on this, but it's destroyed step by step.I used to be warmed by a smile, I used to dream with open eyes at somebody and now when I try to dream , my mind blocks. I can imagine faces , persons, actions, but I can't feel anything.I created a human being one day, but now I can't recreate myself.I feel enthusiastic only in the presence of my creation.And..oh ,..I was such a passionate man. I used to dedicate my life to love.Now I dedicate my life to sadness and frustration. I am a perfectionists, and I don't stop until I don't succeed.It was you and m

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  • Story... 178

    I always wanted to meet my creator. When I finally did, I felt worse than before. I didn't receive the answers I needed.When I asked him about the reasons of cloning a person he asked me:-Why do you create programs, softs?- Excuse me, there is no connection between what you did and what I do. You are playing with life. I am playing with objects, I said rather angry than upset. I couldn't understand how could he make such a comparation.-Let me tell you a story.Once, the legend says in this world more Gods lived in peace and harmony and each one knew his place and his powers.Each God had different powers and they completed perfectly each other.But one God, wanted to be special. Of course, they were all special, yet all equal.This God thought the world is too much boring and senseless without problems. He thought peace is a bad things for their development.He thought one God could have all these powers.His gift was to control weather, but he wanted

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  • How is called that feeling?... 164

    19.24 p.mHow is called that feeling? I was struggling a lot to remember something from my past life. These days I am senseless when it comes to feelings. I am tired of searching answers and I am tired of being alone in this world. If I am the only clone around here, if I am an experiment who could answer my questions?When I asked her she answered to me: -We are all the same. You think you can't find your place in this world because you are a clone. A poor man in a rich country thinks the same. An old among youngsters would feel he doesn't belong there, and so on.I am a woman and I don't belong in this man ruled world. I am sensitive and I don't belong in this country. I don't have answers like you. I may be naturally created, but do I know for sure if I have a soul? Do I know which is the purpose of life?-I think....you didn't understand anything.I am lost. I may die soon. I am 25 years old and I can die in any moment, and no doctor could answer to this.

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  • Faith in technology... 169

    It came a moment when I was lost, in despair. I started to lose my faith in humanity. Sometimes it was such a pain to work with humans . I couldn't understand why people lie so much, why they don't care about their job or about others, why they fail where machines succeed.It was a pain that made me slowly but surely to fall into isolation, like in my childhood. When I was little I couldn't understand people, and today I feel the same. For some years I had the impression I do understand and I do need people, even if they don't need me.Now, standing in this office surrounded by so many colleagues, I felt more alone than ever.I started to prefer to talk with my virtual assistant, and I felt more pleasure to listen this robot than any of my colleagues.I thought robots are predictable, but not my virtual assistant. Not my Siri.I even thought to buy a more intelligent robot. I don't have yet the money but maybe I can create one in this case. I

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  • Thoughts at work... 165

    It was another normal day at the office, when suddenly I heard a voice:-Engin, you forgot to finish your task, please enter the data in the system, said my virtual assistant.I asked myself, when did the technology has become so much intelligent. The assistant seems to know better than me what I have to do. My mind is limited, I can't remember anything, but this dear friend is taking care of me.-Siri, when is the due date? I asked the assistant .-2 hours are left until the system will shut down, due to technical issues. Please introduce the data.I started to feel more and more comfortable, because Siri made my work really easy.But still I was thinking? Should I feel so comfortable, when this robot is stealing my work?Soon, I will be useless. Anyway, the future is stealing our lives, doesn't matter if I will be left in street without money.I work in a multinational, which is creating robots for rich people.My assistant

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  • The clone... 233

    When I was little, I wished to be like the others. Physically, I was the same like my little colleagues, but apparently my thoughts moved me away from them.My mind created sci-fi stories about the future. I saw myself as a doctor, I wanted to cure people, to give hope to humanity. Now I am a programmer and I make softs for robots. Is any difference between a robot and me? Not so much. The technology advanced so much that I can't figure it out if I am staying in front of a robot or a person. When I felt lonely I used to talk with computers, it seemed to be better understood. The robot was more empathic than my closest friend. I used to love her, but she couldn't understand my deepest thoughts, or she was not interested. I could ask "her" questions about anything, and his intelligence was unlimited. Also, I like her sense of humour.Now I am dependent on my phone, I use it everywhere, and I would feel lost without it. The phone saved my life.When I

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  • Sens... 236

    Era un joc fara sfarsit. Mereu rece, mereu la extreme , niciodata fericita.Am obosit. Alerg dupa pasiune , iar aceasta fuge de mine. Candva era si in aerul pe care il respiram. Acum sunt dependenta si disperata dupa emotii, trairi, dupa pasiune, dar nu simt nimic.Uneori imi pare ca totul a fost o iluzie, ca eu nu am gandit cum am gandit, ca eu nu am fost ce am fost.Ce a dus la moartea pasiunii? Visele spulberate, esecurile repetate si experimentarea vietii in toate aspectele ei.Simteam moartea vechiului si a amintirilor cu care nu ma mai identificam. Vag imi aduceam aminte de unele lucruri traite, dar nu mai percepeam ca inainte. Dragostea isi pierduse sensul pentru mine. Nu mai puteam intelege cum se simte, ce este si incepeam sa cred ca nu exista ca totul fusese o iluzie.O dulce iluzie amara. Pentru mine acum exista doar niste stari umane: placere, dezgust si frica.Pana si placerea nu mai este ce a fost. Tindeam sa mai simt ce am simtit candva,

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  • Undeva in Rusia... 182

    "Plangeam, indurerata de atata raceala si frig in jurul meu si soarele de afara imi suradea, dar eu nu-l mai simteam. Nu stiu de unde a venit durerea aceasta. Ignorasem tot si simteam doar fericire si ma concentram pe asta. Voiam fiecare picatura de fericire pana cand a disparut tot intr-o zi.Igor era langa mine si imi radea in fata:-Credeai ca o sa ma pacalesti tu pe mine? Femei ca tine am cunoscut o mie. Niciuna mai prejos , niciuna mai presus. M-am saturat. Pentru mine nu reprezinti nimic.Si i-am apreciat sinceritatea. Nu reprezentam nimic pentru el, nu ar fi ridicat un deget pentru mine, dar candva cica eram totul. Doar ca acel candva a durat prea putin.Era atat de dur cu mine si ochii mi se umezeau si ma chinuiam sa nu ma observe.Nu stiam ce sa fac, eram confuza si saracia era peste tot. Din cauza banilor, voiam sa il parasesc, era un amarat de taran, fara scoala, fara nimic. Iar acum, tot din cauza banilor voiam sa mor.Am fugit cu un alt ba

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  • Un val... 232

    Imi doresc sa fiu un val al marii. Flux si reflux. Acum aici, acum acolo, acum mai lent, acum mai rapid.As fi fara griji, fara ganduri, doar un observator a ceea ce se intampla in jurul meu.As avea toata libertatea din lume, dar n-as iubi cum iubeste un om. As iubi altfel, mai divin. As iubi tot ce ma inconjoara, o iubire calda, sau mistuitoare.Dar eu nu sunt un val, sunt doar o furnica umana in imensitatea asta mare si nu inteleg iubirea.De asemenea, nu inteleg pasiunea, nici ura, nici resentimentele. Toate aceste sentimente cand le analizez, isi schimba forma. Cand le traiesc, cand sunt in mijlocul furtunii, e diferit. Dar cand sunt un observator, ceea ce am trait nu mai are sens. Uneori ma gandeam cum ar fi sa avem toti un buton on/off pe care sa il putem controla asa cum vrem. Sa ne oprim emotiile, sau sa le pornim dupa bunul plac.Emotiile sunt de mai multe feluri.Ceea ce simteam pentru el, era ceva special, si nu tinea de iubire, de pasiune. Tinea de adorat

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  • Platonic... 229

    Traiam o iubire platonica, care crestea tot mai mult in fiecare zi. Cultura lui straina, era ceva exotic pentru mine, si ma atragea ca un magnet. Faptul ca era atat de diferit, ma facea sa ma simt mult mai bine cand observam ca avem foarte multe in comun, in ciuda acestei diferente. Nu era ceva rational si eram constienta ca imaginatia mea contribuia cel mai mult la intensificarea atractiei pe care o simteam. Aveam amandoi o imaginatie foarte bogata si era pentru prima data cand am cunoscut un barbat asemanator mie din acest punct de vedere.Ne visam aproape zilnic si ne impartaseam visele entuziasmati, apoi le interpretam. Fiecare dadea interpretarea pe care o dorea sau de care ii era cel mai frica. Imi imaginam seara ca ma sarutam cu el, dar pentru ca buzele noastre nu s-au mai atins de mult timp, imi era tot mai greu sa simulez acel sarut in mintea mea. Si in acel moment, cred ca ne apropiam sufleteste unul de celalalt, deoarece povesteam vrute si nevrute. Nu cred ca am mai vorbit cu

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